Managing Holiday Grief
by, Sarah Haskins, MA, QMHP.
If you’re entering the holiday season managing difficult feelings, you’re not alone. The holidays can stir up complicated emotions, especially if you’re grieving someone important to you. While the general spirit may be happy and cheerful, you may feel yourself slowing down, pulling inward, or maybe even struggling to get through the day.
These are all completely valid and understandable responses to grief. The holiday season often brings these feelings closer to the surface, making it especially meaningful to meet your experience with grace and self-compassion.
Why The Holidays Feel Hard
Our grief can feel especially intense during the holiday season for a number of reasons:
- Memories and reminders: Music, traditions, and experiences can bring back powerful memories – some that bring comfort, and some that bring pain. Even decorating and hearing familiar songs can trigger strong emotions.
- Holiday expectations: This season is “supposed to be” joyful, cheery, and full of opportunities to spend time with others. When you’re struggling with grief, these expectations can deepen sadness and feelings of disconnection.
- Empty spaces: Whether you’re grieving a person, a relationship, or a home, the holidays can highlight what (or who) is missing.
4 Practical Methods of Supporting Yourself This Holiday Season
(1) Give Yourself Permission to Feel More Than One Thing
You’re allowed to feel grateful and heartbroken at the same time. You can enjoy moments of laughter while still missing someone deeply. Allow both truths to be valid.
A helpful phrase to try:
“This season, I’m grateful for ______, and I’m grieving ______.”
(2) Create Gentle Boundaries That Protect Your Energy
Holiday gatherings and traditions can feel overwhelming. You’re not obligated to say yes to everything or everyone. Try checking in with yourself:
- What do I truly have capacity for this week?
- Who feels emotionally safe for me to be around?
- What expectations can I let go of?
It’s okay to leave early, skip an event, or create a smaller, quieter version of a holiday tradition.
(3) Use Rituals to Stay Connected or Find Meaning
Rituals can help anchor you during emotional moments. They don’t have to be elaborate, just intentional. You might:
- Light a candle for someone you’re missing
- Keep a seat open at the table
- Make an ornament, write a note, or look through photos
- Start a new tradition that feels grounding or comforting
Rituals create space for love and memory in a season that can feel rushed.
(4) Lean on Others—You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Grief can feel isolating and it’s important to build a support system to navigate it. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, mentor, or support group. Let someone know what you’re experiencing or what you need, whether it’s practical advice, a favor, or even just company.
Asking for support isn’t a burden. Part of moving through grief is acknowledging we don’t have to do it all on our own.
The holidays may never be the same after experiencing significant loss. But, we can still move through this season with intention, gentleness, and self-compassion. Whatever you’re feeling this year, remember that you’re not failing by having big feelings around the holidays.
If you’re looking for more specialized support with managing grief during the holidays, click here to schedule a free consultation with a Tides clinician.